The Legend of James the Gentlemen — Episode 1

Tell me a story, James A real mercenary tale This is a tale of a great warrior who fought many foes, made lots of coin, and bedded many maidens A poor lad named James, he slept in a stable each night with cow patties for a pillow He had no coin to his name, just the clothes on his back and a wagon load of shame He stunk of shit, and wherever he went, he was hit He wandered the lands with little in his hands, until he met a man named Land You try that again, boy! and you best do it proper Go on, lad Mug me That was smart, boy If you got away, you'd have a free dagger Now, you've got a free bum Clean my boots with your sleeve and you can eat With pleasure, master Shall I spit shine them, too?